Top Phrases for Flourishing Relationships - Part 1

Communication is the cornerstone of relationships, and relationships are what build our lives. Our relationships with friends, family, and partners are all central to the human experience. With these individuals, the majority of our time is spent speaking, listening, and understanding. In the most important relationships we have, the manner in which you speak and the way in which you listen can determine how healthy your relationship is. Certain words and phrases are crucial to building your relationships to last. This is possible, but you must first consider the three of the most important aspects of communication:

1. Emotion

2. Awareness

3. Power

These three factors play a crucial role in effective communication. It all begins with emotion, as it plays a large part in our relationships. We make each other feel things, but it's important to reconcile with what those feelings are. For the sake of your valued relationships, it is vital that you pave a highway between what you feel and your words to express those feelings.

"Feeling words" can help you develop an awareness of your own internal state of being. Being aware of your emotions is as important as being aware of others emotions. This becomes the fuel for your conversations and interactions. With emotion and awareness comes power dynamics. When conflict arises, we often have actions or words that hurt, and those that are hurt by them. Emotion, power, and awareness are all important factors in communication with those you care for. To exemplify this, we will cover the first phrase that can contribute to healthy and flourishing relationships:

Phrase #1: 

"I Feel ________"

(Awareness + Emotion)

Saying “I feel” can be one of the most effective methods of communication in relationships. It not only allows you to connect with yourself, but it gives others an opportunity to care about how you feel. For example, saying “I feel angry and upset” is declaring how you feel on the inside. Emotions don’t deserve to be bottled up and it is a risk to let them out into the open air, but it is one worth taking. If you find the courage to do so, you may find your chest feeling lighter and your thoughts coming more clearly.

Once you pave the route between your feelings and your words, then your awareness of your emotions will likely increase. Awareness of your own emotions is key in relationships, as you can only share what you feel if you know how to articulate it. If you develop a healthy habit of being able to articulate your emotions, your awareness will foster an emotional safety for those around you.

“I feel” is where you are expressing an awareness of your emotions. What it is NOT is an expression of what you think someone meant or did. Too often “I feel” is followed by “like you hate me” or “like you don’t care.” Feeling like something is happening is NOT expressing your internal emotions, it is making passive assumptions about reality. These assumptions are not your own feelings, but thoughts about other people's feelings, thoughts, and intentions. Your “I feel” should describe your internal experience, not other's. 

“I feel” ends with words that describe emotions (which you can find on the feelings wheel: feelingswheel.com). The more accurate you can be with the words to describe your emotions, the more you will understand where they come from. These words are key to recognizing your own emotions, putting them into words, and allowing them to flow into your regular conversations. You can drop "I feel" into just about any conversation with friends or family, as it creates that sense of predictability to where they no longer need to guess what you feel. Not only do you know how you feel, now they do too.

Thank You for Reading!

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